what will become of me?

Nov 23, 2018

As I go through this incredible period of change there is so much to figure out, to make sense of, with decisions to be made about the future and how to proceed in the healthiest ways possible so as to create a road map for a successful future. It is enough to make my head spin! A friend says I have no business thinking past the week I’m currently in, and while that would probably be helpful, I am having a hard time staying focused on the now I’m sitting in.

There’s a reason for that. I’m exceedingly concerned about what is going to become of me. And the one thing I absolutely don’t want to become is a tragedy. That could very well happen without the proper work and focus, for sure. See below:

Exhibit A:
Here we have a 57 year old woman with a failed marriage and a rough childhood, who after several attempts at finding the next right steps and direction for her life continues to be mired under self-doubt and confusion, leading her to fall short of the potential her life once held.

It feels that if I am not very very careful this is what could become of me. A wasted life of failure, never quite being able to heal from my original wounds to live a vibrantly fulfilled life with real meaning.

On the other hand, however, lies beautiful grace and potential. If I do the work required, if I honestly face my part of the messes I’ve found myself in while rejecting responsibility for all the rest, if I slowly uncover what is required to heal, if I listen to myself very clearly to be able to accurately discover exactly what I should be putting my energies into, then I have a chance at a vibrant future. That is what I dearly want, and I’m up for the work. Saying a big prayer for myself tonight.