Author: Rest Heal Grow

An acquaintance recently shared a story with me, describing how her father, in his 70’s, took up painting to help him through the loss of his wife. I’d seen a painting of his she’d shared on her feed, upon which I expressed how much I liked it. That’s when I got the back story. Now in his 80’s his work is being shown in a prestigious art district galley in Portland. Okay! 🙌

Hearing the story of her father was affirming to me, as I embark on yet another chapter of redefining myself despite being in my 50’s. I had just been wondering if I was of sound mind to be venturing into something new. But hey, if he can do it in his 70’s I can probably do it at my age!

And what’s the alternative? To set limits for ourselves because of the passage of time? This limiting belief system can happen at any age. I recall being in my late 20’s when a friend, just a couple years older, was deciding not to pursue her dream of getting a degree in psychology to work with children due to the fact she’d be nearing her 40’s upon completing the program. It made no sense to me, I remember responding to her argument by stating she was going to turn 40 regardless, so why not be doing exactly what she wanted when she got there?

The logic of this was perfectly clear to me back then, because we were still young – and the young are allowed to do anything, right? Endless time ahead so just go for it! Add two decades plus and that clarity starts to get fuzzy, like, aren’t you supposed to be set by now for god’s sake?! How many more seasons do you think you have? Weren’t you supposed to have arrived by now?

Perhaps that is the real issue at play. The idea that we will figure things out by a certain age, get all our ducks in a row and from that point on be set. We’ve arrived. Done. Set. Somewhere in my upbringing I got fixated on this being the way life should look. Some seem to actually find that, or at least it’s the way their lives look from the outside looking in. And if so and that works for them, I’m in awe and applaud this feat. I do suspect however, if I were to actually arrive at “set” I’d probably die of boredom, no matter how appealing the sense of security and predictability might sound.

At the core of this question of when is it too late to start over, to start a new direction, is growth. What shifts, changes, new starts, endings that lead to the need to begin again are required to continue on your path of growth? Rather than look at “starting over” or trying something new as coming out of failure, perhaps it would be wiser to frame it as the necessary steps in one’s journey of growth. And truthfully, if we are continually challenging ourselves to be in a state of growth and our life choices come from that, then age ceases to be a part of the equation.

What is the point of our life journey if not growth? Isn’t that what each of us are here for, to continue down our path of growth until we come to the end?

 

First of all if you aren’t familiar with Mark Groves work via his media outlets, check him out. He offers up some truly sound insight into navigating healthy relationships, and regardless of your relationship status most of us can benefit from some help in working through this part of our lives with healthy success.

Now on to being a badass, or owning your amazing shine. This post of Mark’s spoke to me because I have always had a tendency to be most comfortable dimming my light. Maybe not online in my diy blogging hayday, but certainly in person. Once I purchased an amazing trench styled jacket in a fabulous green with creative stitch accents and a riotous floral lining. 😍 I adored the design and how it looked on me. And yet what did I do a week later? Returned it. Yep. I knew each time I went to wear it I most likely would take it off to select another coat that faded into the background. I wasn’t comfortable with the potential attention I might receive wearing something that said, wow, look at me in my bright beautiful coat!

To be clear the idea behind this concept is not to show off stuff, but rather the unique essence and gifts we possess and how we can share them for the benefit of those around us. The coat just exposed my state of mind, that my comfort level was in dumbing myself down.

Where does this come from? Perhaps being shamed somewhere along the line, being made fun of or having our intelligence or abilities challenged or questioned. We would each do well to understand the origin of our doubt if we struggle with a fear of owning and showing our gifts, and then determine what we would want to celebrate and share if this fear was gone. Think of someone that influences you in positive and powerful way, then imagine them not sharing their light. How would that change your days? Don’t do that to anyone who needs YOUR light!

❤️

 

These homeowners didn’t let the fact their little piece of dirt was wedged between building walls in every direction stop them. They saw past the “they ain’t going anywhere” limitation to realize a really quite spectacular spot of nature in an urban setting. I like this attitude in both design and life, make it happen regardless!

Each of us have barriers that are stubborn, if not immovable. What are you going to do when you come face to face with one? Use it as an excuse to stop moving in the direction you say you dream of going, or will you buckle down, get creative, think outside the box or dig down deep until you find a way around, over, under or through.

For all the hiccups I’ve had in my life, one trait I truly appreciate about myself is that upon hearing a no, it can’t be done, I get all revved up to figure out how to turn the “it ain’t happening” into “look how that worked out!” Perhaps it’s the challenge that gives me the wherewithal to push until the solution is found, but I believe it’s truly key for each of us to identify what our own special potion is, (or find it if you haven’t discovered yours yet!) Celebrate it, embrace it and use it liberally!

Here’s to making the not possible, possible! 🙌

I wrote a whole bit on what I think about the above words, and then deleted. They (Mark Groves, Create the Love) say it best, I don’t need to elaborate.

If you are going through a shift in your life that includes the need to heal, it’s going to be more than a mere dump in the road. If we accept the above, head on, rather than wanting to believe we can challenge all the shit that got us to a place we didn’t want to be and it won’t be too hard to correct course, it’ll actually make the whole process easier. Amazingly by accepting just what a train wreck it’ll be, it then feels more doable and can even provide a sense of peace. Surender, accept, acknowledge the depth of the shifts required in your life that will twist you in ways you have never experienced.

And then take the best possible care of yourself. Eat amazing, healthful food. Move your body, it’s happy when it gets challenged. A happy body does wonders for the spirit and mind! Make a genuine connection with someone each day. Be giving to another. Get enough rest. All of this basically puts you in the best frame of mind and body to empower yourself! Also be gentle and forgiving, you are a brave soul for leaping into this journey and deserve all the joy and peace possible for a human being.

 

I’ve just laid down for my first night after a strenuous evening of demo, prepping for work to be done prior to our big move in a few weeks. I’m exhausted but at peace, which was my one wish. The peace part. Turning off the lights, I look up and see this. It’s good. I do believe this can be a wonderful home for the next chapter of my family’s life. 😍

In 24 hours I will be arriving at the next house for a few days of work, prepping it for our move in one month. I’m excited, and terrified. Will it feel right spending the first night in the house? My hope is that the experience is one that fills me with peace and a knowledge I’ve found the right spot to call home for a bit… or perhaps longer?

A quote popped up in my feed today which seemed fully appropriate for this moment:

“Your new life is going to cost you your old one.”

I believe I’m okay with that. Needed change doesn’t simply occur without necessary shifts, some small, some all in. This move is the all in kind. A few weeks ago, however, fear was enveloping me and I sat in it for longer than was healthy  – until I decided it was time for a little strong talk with myself. Listen girl, you wanted this, you made it happen, now step up to the plate and get ‘er done!

So that’s what I’m doing. Working from a place of empowerment is so much better than a place of doubt. Is there anything going on in your life right now that requires the kind of commitment where the bridge is on fire right behind you as you cross, with the only path available in front of you? If so, please have courage. On the other side of difficulty and challenge lies the truly worthwhile.

🙏

 

I have several goals for myself but top of list is embracing a more authentic, transparent life. This doesn’t mean I think everything has to be said or shared, but it does mean my words should be as honest as possible.

It feels important for me to write on this topic today as I commit to posting here on a new blog; it’s not my first. I loved my old blog which was focused on all things DIY as I transformed a home my family lived in when the kids were small. It was quite the run, sharing all the ends and outs of making beautiful rooms for us, leading to opportunities to write for HGTV, Houzz and even appearing on TV: a rate my space episode, filming a lamp redo project with Nate Berkus for his show, and a local appearance covering more decorating tips. It also led to the launch of an online magazine which I loved producing!

However what was missing was transparency and it really began to gnaw on me. It bothered me how I was presenting a very edited slice of life, only the best with all challenging details glossed over. I look back and wonder what was the real point of it all. Yes, people appreciated all the inspiration, sources and how to’s that helped them tackle their projects – but if anyone was trying to live up to the life I was projecting that would have been misguiding. Things were not as pretty behind closed doors as the oh so pretty pictures I shared on the screen. Life isn’t like that. I see this glossed and edited version of what we should aspire to everywhere! I just didn’t want to be a part of it anymore, so I took down my site and checked out.

Fast forward to today, I don’t want to simply turn around and repeat that again here. (I know I have with my Instagram account over the years, what’s up with that? It’s like it’s addicting! What payoff do we get creating these caricatures of ourselves?!) I really aim to work on shifting my mindset to a way of sharing that has as its cornerstone authenticity. It’s like breaking a really bad habit!!! But I promise to do my best! 😘

Okay. So I obviously lack serious skills in the selfie department and here’s an amusing attempt at mocking myself up as a queen on my 57th birthday. 🤴 But regardless…

“Happy Birthday to Me!”

As I wake up to this day and the larger number here’s what is on my mind regarding aging:

My grandmother, as she was nearing 90, confided in me that it was a shock to look in the mirror and see her aged and lined face reflected back at her. She just knew, based on how she felt in her heart, that she was still a young woman! Her spirit and her chronological age were at odds with one another. That comment made a big impression on me.

No kidding I thought, she possessed one of the liveliest spirits I had ever known. I simply loved being around her energy, which at that moment I began to understand was eternally youthful.

The passing years can bring all kinds of changes for the good and not so great, but as my beloved angel✨of a grandmother helped me see so many years ago, the secret to eternal youth is taking care of your spirit. Guard it and protect it, let it play while resisting any societal definitions and restrictions of what is appropriate and possible for you as the years pass. Embrace your inner child, young girl, and powerful woman.

If looking in the mirror you’re surprised at what is reflected back, it just might mean you are living your life in the best way possible!

The below quote spoke to me, offering up comfort that I’m not crazy and instead on the correct path for this moment in my life. Big change is on the horizon, so much so I often wake up in the morning (and sometimes with a start in the very early mornings) filled with a sense of fear that sends an intense nervous energy surging through my body. Change is hard, it requires jumping into the not quite known with a hell of a lot of faith you’ll land without getting too bruised. But what is the alternative? Embrace what you need to embrace and face the fears that need to be faced to allow yourself the opportunity to discover what potential lies ahead. 

For the past few years I’ve been living under the radar, both online and in my personal life, granting myself time to figure a bunch of stuff out. This time has not provided all the answers, far from it, but what is truly important to me has become clear.

Much of what my days once revolved around mean very little to me today, with new values and interests emerging that I’m passionate about. What’s been lacking however is the confidence to share and OWN IT, and in the void of that strength what I have shared beyond the walls of my home has been a watered down version of what I stand for, believe in and what is shaping my thinking and life. But today I feel drawn to create a venue to start talking in a genuine way.

So this blog. It’s a place to start speaking.